verDorn's

Venue

I was thinking today of my ma, Olympia, who was a kind soul and beautiful woman. I loved her and she loved me too. I was closer to her than Pa. Sometimes my folks would argue; Pa would end up drinking his bourbon and Ma would end up crying with me close at her side. Bo was too young to really understand it all. But I understood the grown up problems. Watching all the drama and such, I wanted to take care of my family. I knew things couldn’t go on like that forever--Pa and his drinking, his women.  When they'd get to fighting, Ma would gently nudge me to show myself outta the room. 

Olympia was of French descent. I laugh at the thought of Ma and Dorian in conversation together. Hehe. Dorian's always sayin' I don't know any French but I still got memories of Ma and I remember a little. Well anyways, Pa was jealous when Ma took up with a ranch hand by the name of Yancy Ralston.  She, she just disappeared after that. Pa told me and Bo that she abandoned the family. Later, Pa said Ma died. It was a lie.... Family means everything.

Today, I stood in the kitchen at LaBoulaie. I was both angry with and intoxicated by my wild raven haired spitfire. I was angry with her for not calling me after I spent the evening well, kinda pissed and worried about her. Pfft, she blew off our dinner date! Said something more important came up, more important than me! She used to say that I was her top priority. Shoulda known better.

Once I saw that Dorian wasn’t missing any limbs or bleedin', I was so mad I thought I would explode.  Dammit! Standing there looking at her, I wanted to hold her, tell I was worried and why.  (Sigh.)  Maybe on impulse, maybe outta foolishness, it came out before I knew it--right from the heart. So easily I said, “I love you.” My hands were shaking and I thought I would swallow my heart and die right then. She repeated it back to me as if I didn’t know what I said. "I love you." And for a moment maybe I froze. She froze.  Nonsense! And then she began talking nonsense about how I want to control her! Control her? Huh? I love the fire in her. You can't control her kinda fire! What in hell’s name was she talking about? As I looked at her, I tried to make sense at what appeared nonsense. I am glad I did. I began to really hear what was bothering her. She told me about Langston and how the young girl’s parents had died so tragically. I understood. I loved Dorian even more. 

Here's what I don't understand. Why wouldn’t she have shared it with me? I asked her why she couldn’t share what’s going on with her. I even told her that I would be there for her the same way she was there for me when Jessie was ill and my Pa died. Having her with me made a difference. I didn’t feel so alone. I don’t want the woman I love to be alone either.

Suddenly she was skipping around again, as if I hadn’t asked the question about wanting her to share her worries. She said something about Viki putting bad thoughts in my head and then she moved on to Nora. I didn’t think Nora put any thoughts in my head and that's what I told Dorian. What? I can't think for myself? I’m a grown ass man capable of coming to the conclusion that Dorian doesn’t feel about me the way that I feel about her. And it hurt. The truth was staring at me. I told her that I loved her. Was it supposed to be like this? She said that we needed time to think about us, that we both needed time to think? Time? Huh? I thought it better if I left before it got worse. My temptress pulled me into her arms. We kissed the only was we know how to kiss when we meet, with a passion that makes me forget my thoughts. I wanted to be with her. The damn phone rang! I could feel her pulling away from me again. She had to go take care of Langston and asked me to show myself out. I always do.